Horoscope


Aries

Today just isn’t your day, not even close. The stars are in line for one of the more socially awkward, accident prone, and all together depressing days of your lives. The big math test that you have been stressing out about for days and stayed up all night last night studying is a lost cause. Tonight, huddle up in your blankets and go to bed early. Maybe tomorrow will start looking up but don’t count on it.


Taurus
You’ve probably heard the expression “waking up on the wrong side of the bed”, well I wouldn’t exactly say this applies to you, but it’s close. Something more like waking up on the wrong side of the bed falling out of the back of a cargo ship above an active volcano more accurately applies to your situation. In all likely hood, everything you do today isn’t going to end up well and you should probably not leave your house. Good luck.

Gemini
This may be one of the more boring days of your life, school sucks, too much homework, and the BBQ team cancelled practice. It’s a good day to go out for an adventure after school but avoid all major highways. Just trust me on this one, I’m a horoscopeologist.

Cancer

Songs that you hear on the radio will have amazing relevance to your life. Just don’t break out into embarrassingly over-excited singing and dancing in your car. We can see you. It’s embarrassing.


Leo

Do everything perfectly or else! The eyes of the world are on you today judging every step you take. It may not be your best day but hopefully people will forget about it soon enough.


Vigro
Unfortunately for the Virgo’s, I have seen better days in my night terrors. Although most of your day may be at best sub par, you will want to stay away from restaurants and stick to finger food tonight. Beware of all cutlery and take extreme caution around the rare “threek”, or three pronged fork, accidents will happen.

Libra
Congratulations, you’re broke! You managed to acquire a few parking tickets from the school for parking in a public parking lot and not paying them to do so (wait why do we pay taxes again?), you borrowed a few times against your pay check to buy those Sub-woofers, and all of a sudden, you’re unemployed. Today is the day to find a new job and fast, the repo man may make a surprise visit for your Volvo Sedan.

Scorpio
Have you been wanting to change up your lifestyle completely into something fun and exciting? Ya, I kind of knew it. I don’t want to ruin your fun and all but I would advise holding off on those plans for a while. Try doing a better job in the present before looking ahead.

Sagittarius
You know that fun thing you have been wanting to do for awhile? Go do it, come back in a good mood, and sit down because there is not much that can help you prepare for what kind of a day your going to have. Maybe a smile going into the storm will help?

Capricorn
Today will make the “Bay of Pigs” look like a pretty smart decision.

Aquarius
The moon is in the 7th house, and Jupiter has aligned with Mars. What does that all mean for the intrepid Aquarius you may be wondering? For one, it is the dawning of the Age of Aquarius and today is looking up. Yesterday was a disaster with everything you tried to do failing but, things are different today. Love is coming your way, you just have to know where to look.

Pisces
For the fifth week in a row, you have been having the best possible week. No matter what you do, everyone loves you and wants to be your friend. You have plenty of money and probably drive a Rolls Royce, maybe a Benz. This evening, try taking your Gulfstream G650 out for a spin, the night is yours.
C.W, M.M, B.R

Comments

robert.macdonald
Oct 15, 2010

Cyrus, do you do palm readings, as well?

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